wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize