Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
try to milk me bitch
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
