my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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