I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
