You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
