Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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