nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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