I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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