getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
