I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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