Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
