I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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