I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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