god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
