holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize