so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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