i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
