Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
