Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
