"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
