He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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