roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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