I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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