the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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