thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
