Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I could fuck to npr.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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