He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize