Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
