ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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