i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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