i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She's the barista slut.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
