omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
