Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
