Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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