i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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