I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Vodka?
Forever.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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