i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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