tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
