Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
