I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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