guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize