I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
