Me too!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
