Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We're too hungover to prance.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
