My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
