Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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