You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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