I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
