that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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