i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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