Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
