Your face is a jimmy john
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
