PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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