Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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