i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
