OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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