My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
