Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
