we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
