I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize