did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
