Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
