my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
