JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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