I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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