The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
