he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
