I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
