I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
