Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
